Ariana Grande Is Doing That Bullshit ‘I Don’t Feel the Need for Labels’ Thing About Her Sexuality

I don’t claim to have any special knowledge of Ariana Grande’s sexuality, but she did talk about how great sex with Pete Davidson was so it can’t be entirely normal, look at that guy. Jesus.

People are now asking if she’s bisexual because her new song ‘Monopoly’ contains the line “I like women and men.” So it’s kind of a reasonable question, it’s not like people are being intrusive. And I’m annoyed because she gave that same bullshit answer every celebrity inevitably gives: I’m not into labels.

God, shut up. “Oh, I just, you know, I connect to people, you know, not to bodies. I’m just so evolved. Is my pumpkin spice latte ready yet?” You’re bisexual, it doesn’t make you some super deep person.

But the truth is she’s probably not bisexual, she just thinks implying she is will make her seem cool or something. Her people basically admitted this to People.

However, a source close to Grande told PEOPLE, “She is of course a well-known LGBT ally and this is her supporting her friends.”

“I’m just not into labels, you know, why label yourself, you know?” Bitch, you have a charcoal grill tattoo but you wanna play coy about your sexuality?

My guess is that Garfunkel and Oates wrote a song about what Ariana really means when she says she’s “not into labels.”

“Tee-hee, I’m so metropolitan.”