R. Kelly Calls Sex House Allegations ‘Crap’ in Video Shot in 1980

News of R. Kelly running a sex slave house broke last week. While we’ve heard of parents, current slaves, previous slaves, and Kelly’s lawyer. We have yet to hear from the man himself. Until now.

That’s R. Kelly. Allegedly. He must be using his third phone, which is a 2000 Nokia that doesn’t record video, but R. Kelly somehow got it to record video.

Kelly calls the allegations “crap” and will continue his tour on the East Coast. Hear that ladies living on the East Coast, R. Kelly is headed your way. And he’s ready to make you a big star. All you have to do is give up everything and have a lot of sex with him and other women. That doesn’t sound so bad, does it?

R. Kelly went about this the wrong way. This should not have been the first video he released. His sex tape in the 90’s was better quality than this. His first video should have been an MTV Cribs-like documentary where Kelly shows off his house and proves there are no captive women. How hard would that have been?

You’re smarter than this, R. Kelly. You’ve been running a sex house for years and you’re the greatest R&B singer of all-time. I know you’re smarter than this.