Seamus Heffernan | The Blemish

Polanski trying to finish new movie in jail

By Seamus Heffernan, 1:31 PM on Oct 16, 2009, 0 Comments

Don’t let a little thing like incarceration slow down you creative endeavors, quitter. Roman Polanski sure isn’t:

“The film will be finished,” Henning Molfenter, head of production at Studio Babelsberg and a co-producer on “The Ghost,” told The Hollywood Reporter. “We will meet all our deadlines and all of our obligations with distributors.”

Polanski had already delivered a rough cut of the film — an adaptation of the Robert Harris best-seller, a political thriller — before his September arrest in Zurich on a decades-old sex charge. Post-production has continued as the director continues to fight extradition to the United States. While Polanski’s contact with the outside world is limited, it is believed he is being kept up to date with developments and is able to communicate via telephone with editor Herve du Luze and others involved with the project.

We’ll see if American prison life will slow down Mr. Polanki’s commitment to his craft. Call me cynical, but I think a creepy, geriatric French pedophile with a bloated sense of self-entitlement might not have such an easy time in institutions that regularly schedule “anal rape” around “arts and crafts time” and “working out.”

Tags: #roman polanski

Michael Vick to star in reality series

By Seamus Heffernan, 7:59 AM on Oct 08, 2009, 0 Comments

Michael Vick, Philadelphia Eagles back-up QB and canine bloodsport aficionado, will see his post-prison life documented in an upcoming reality show. Which is great if you were looking for life lessons from a guy who managed to piss away the potential to be one of the great athletes of his generation:

Michael Vick’s return to the NFL on Sept. 27 wasn’t exactly the storybook finish to a redemption story, but the media storm around his first game with the Philadelphia Eagles was enough to suggest people are still interested in the convicted dog fighter.

And so it is that BET (Black Entertainment Television) will air an eight-part “docu-series” on Vick’s post-prison life.

According to the Los Angeles Times, the series, which airs in 2010, won’t gloss over his arrest and imprisonment, but Vick hopes it will change the public’s perception of him anyway.

“I just want people to really get to know me as an individual,” Vick told the Times. “What I want to do is change the perception of me. I am a human being. I’ve made some mistakes in the past, and I wish it had never happened. But it’s not about how you fall, but about how you pick yourself up.”

When several of the pit bulls Vick abused and tortured were asked why they were taking so long to pick themselves up, they could merely offer some whimperings before returning to their electroshock-induced convulsions. Disappointing. This obviously speaks volumes to their character.

Tags: #michael vick

Tom Cruise visits Harvard Law

By Seamus Heffernan, 12:34 PM on Oct 07, 2009, 0 Comments

Tom Cruise might be nuts, but he has played an attorney on film, so that means he can swing by a Harvard law lecture and offer his own contributions, right? Sure, why not. Consequences, expertise, merit—pfffft. Those are for the little people.

According to Harvard Law Record blogger Jessica Corsi, Cruise popped into celebrity attorney Bertram Fields’ guest lecture in professor Bruce Hay’s entertainment-law class. After announcing he had never heard his buddy lecture before, Cruise took a seat in the back of the class at Langdell South and even participated in the two-hour discussion.

Apparently, Fields, who is a 1952 Crimson alum, and Cruise are quite tight in Tinseltown. Hence, Tom’s appearance.

“Throughout his discussion, Fields would refer questions back to Tom, and Cruise would also interject his own experiences,” Corsi blogged. “He spoke about tabloid magazines . . . working with director Stanley Kubrick and the business of how the ratings on movies get set in the U.S. as opposed to Europe.”

The students, were, of course, blown away.

And why wouldn’t they be? After all, a room full of ultra-privileged poindexters getting keen, real-life insights from some kind of famous Hollywood space-dwarf–that’s a quality teachable moment right there. They don’t get shit this awesome at Yale, I tell ya.

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Tags: #tom cruise

Kate Beckinsale continuing quest to be world’s greatest woman

By Seamus Heffernan, 9:55 AM on Oct 07, 2009, 0 Comments

Usually, any kind of “do this or else” threats in a relationship spell instant doom, but if you’re married to Kate Beckinsale, your vision is probably already blurry from seeing her up close and your ears are ringing from the choirs of angels you’re now always hearing, so more than likely you’re probably just going to sit there and take it. Especially when the ultimatum we’re discussing is “I suck at cooking so I won’t do it–now order some pizza and drop your trousers.”

Actress Kate Beckinsale has given her film director husband an ultimatum – the kitchen or the bedroom.

The tasty actress has given up on trying to create tantalising culinary treats because she believes people are divided into two groups – those who are geniuses with a whisk and those who are earth-shattering lovers in the sack, report The Sun.

And Kate has proudly announced she falls firmly into the latter group, which must surely keep her largely takeaway-fed husband Len Wiseman a happy man in the bedroom.

Coincidentally, my lunch today is left-over pizza and warm Gatorade. Also, during my break, I hope to accidentally-on-purpose wander down to the photocopier and work up the nerve to make eye contact with that girl in accounts. Okay, maybe that`s not so much a “coincidence.” More like a “telling indictment of a life built on wasted potential and self-loathing.”

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Tags: #kate beckinsale

Mel Gibson gets record expunged

By Seamus Heffernan, 7:45 AM on Oct 07, 2009, 0 Comments

Remember when Mel Gibson got loaded, made a series of incendiary, anti-Semitic remarks, and called a female officer “sugartits“? Sure you do. I certainly do, because if you were in the mock-the-rich-and-famous business, those were halcyon days, my friend. Anyhow, some killjoy judge is trying to reverse space and time or something because now it turns out Mel‘s criminal record will be wiped clean of all those vodka-fuelled shenanigans. Oh, well. I guess that changes everything:

In a brief hearing held at the Oscar winner’s request, a judge agreed to expunge Gibson’s drunk-driving conviction. The initial arrest made headlines when the star was reported to have made anti-Semitic comments to a Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputy.

“He does not appear to be on any sort of probation or facing any similar charges,” Judge Lawrence J. Mira said as a videographer for a celebrity news website taped the proceeding. “So I will grant the petition and sign the order.” Mira noted that the charge is “still valid for gun control purposes.”

Wait a second. Even after all this drinking and race-baiting, it’s still possible Mel Gibson could have access to firearms? Dear God, man. I’d feel more comfortable giving Amon Goeth an Uzi.

Tags: #mel gibson

Spice Girls to reunite?

By Seamus Heffernan, 11:44 AM on Sep 23, 2009, 3 Comments

Girl power could be back. According to Geri Halliwell, a.k.a Ginger Spice, talks are underway to bring the Spice Girls back for a third time.

The singer, who famously quit the girl band in May 1998, says she and the other members – Victoria Beckham, Mel B, Emma Bunton and Mel C – are considering getting back for a third time.

She told ITV’s This Morning: ‘We are gathering information about a possibility, but when you are evolving a plan, you don’t want to share it with the world.’

This is good news for anyone worried that there was a gap in the “loudmouthed moms trying too hard to be sexy while wearing age-inappropriate clothing and dancing awkwardly” market since your grandmother got drunk and rowdy at that reunion. Or that Madonna’s most recent tour wrapped up.