The Black Eyed Peas were inexplicably asked to perform at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show. I’m at a loss to explain why they chose a band with Fergie in it. Maybe it’s like how average girls have fat and ugly friends to make them look pretty by comparison. In this case, Fergie is the ugly friend used to make the Victoria’s Secret models look… is there anything above supermodel? If there is, they would look like that.
Brought to you by idiot hockey fans.
Jude Law had the well thought out idea of moving to a place overlooked by NYU’s freshman dorm. Turns out it’s great for the leering students, not so much for Jude. One co-ed, Erica Rose, describes the joy of living next to a Jude Law, “We have the best view on the floor,” she said. “It is exciting to have a celebrity living right next to you. He is really attractive. He’s rugged and scruffy.” In return for their enthusiasm, Law, gracious as he is, even pauses his yoga sessions to welcome gawkers to the neighborhood with a barrage of oranges.
“He noticed we were there and we started waving at him. Then he went inside and came back with two oranges,” freshman Neha Najeeb told The Post. “He threw them at our window, but he missed.” Law then went back inside and returned with two additional oranges, she said.
“This time, he hit the windows — there was orange pulp on the glass for a week — and then he went back to working out,” she said. “Now we don’t like Jude Law anymore.”
As you know, oranges mean good luck in Asian cultures so the NYU students shouldn’t take being pelted with them as a threat. Jude is merely too far away to hand it to them in person. So continue spying on Jude with binoculars or long lenses equipped with night vision. He loves it.
For Disney to maintain Miley Cyrus’ popularity, they need ritual sacrifices. Today they offered one of their own. A driver for one of Miley’s tour buses.
Reports say a 14 passenger bus carrying Miley’s lighting crew that was part of a four vehicle caravan, which Miley Cyrus herself was a part of, flipped killing the driver and injuring 9. Officials say, however, that the driver may have died at the wheel which explains why the bus drifted off the rain soaked highway.
Can anyone stop Disney and their icy, white-gloved hand of death? Who will put an end to this? Who will stand up to this mouse-eared beast before its next offering? Who, I ask?!
German magazine Bravo asked Rihanna what she looked for in a guy besides having a strong pimp hand. Rihanna said the guy has to have a dick so big that it could bludgeon an ox. Not her exact words. She also said something about inner beauty.
Rihanna explains, “He has to be good in bed and the size matters. You know what I mean? The inner beauty counts as well, but without a toy it doesn’t make it fun. Right now I don’t want to have a serious relationship, I want to have fun. I love flirting at the moment. I’m single and I’m enjoying my freedom. But I don’t give my phone number out that often. But if I’m dating, I check the boy from the top to the bottom.”
You and me both, sista! Wait, no! Aww crap.
Here are a few more outtakes from Megan Fox’s New York Times shoot. The whole profile is here if you have time to waste. Or you could just as easily sit and stare at Megan Fox’s open legs for the next 30 minutes. The choice is yours. Choose wisely. Although, make sure you have a mirror on your desk to periodically check if your boss or co-workers walk by. If there’s one thing you don’t need today, it’s finding out someone is standing behind you only because their erection is poking you in the back of the head.
Hayden Panettiere did a video shoot with Tyler Shields for whatever reason. Basically, Tyler stole the sex tape Hayden and I made and put it in reverse. Make your own damn videos, Tyler. Oh, wait. That’s champagne? Oooo. I mean, no sex tape here, guys. Heh heh heh.
Minka Kelly is in St. Barts with her dork boyfriend Derek Jeter. Here she is doing stuff in a bikini. I’ve always wondered why she’s with him instead of me. Sure, he may have batting averages, fame and money, but I have love, compassion and chloroform and if I could just get close enough to Minka when she’s alone, I know things will work out.
Update: Tila Tequila naked, ranting, attention starved
Rape is funny again, finally
Carmen Electra has a viral sex tape
