Remember that awful Fornarina ad Lindsay Lohan did for their 2009 campaign? Well she’s back with the same company doing their 2010/2011 campaign. Albeit, in a way less embarrassing way this time around. Instead of clicking, wowing and smashing, she’s photoshooting trying to look serious. Aw, so cute. She thinks she’s people!
Being compared to Lindsay Lohan is bad enough but being called a “Lindsay Lohan wannabe” is the worst.
Snooki went to court today to face the consequences for her July 30 arrest for public drunkeness. The official charge was for creating a public nuisance. Snooki told the court she was “very embarrassed” and pled guilty to the “annoying” charge. Two other offenses were dismissed. Snooki’s potential 90 day jail sentence became two days community service and a $533 fine.
Scoffing, Judge Murray derided Polizzi as a “Lindsay Lohan wannabe.” He also wondered whether the star’s antics weren’t pre-scripted for her hit reality show; he told her to decide if “it was worth trading your dignity for a paycheck.”
“Would you trade your dignity for paycheck?” was actually one of the questions on the Jersey Shore application. Not only would Snooki trade her dignity, she’d trade her self-esteem and morality for a quick buck. I’m pretty sure she’d punch her grandmother in the face if it led to a $10,000 raise.
“Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis is currently trying to block the release of a tell-all book written by one of his former employees, Ryan Simkin. Simikin seems not too worried about the lawsuit and is releasing excerpts. The most recent one being about how Paris Hilton smuggled ecstasy and coke in her vagina to France.
Simkin says when Joe Francis was dating Paris Hilton, he wanted twenty hits of ecstasy and four 8-Balls of coke to give to Paris to smuggle on the plane.
Well, first he needed me to go to the office and get a check from Michael, the controller, for the money; then I needed to go buy the shit and get it to Paris before her flight. I asked how the hell she was going to get all of that out of the country on a plane, and he said not to worry about it, that she would handle it.
…I enlisted my roommate to help me out, and he reluctantly agreed. She was down in Culver City at Smashbox studios, which was about a 40 minute drive for us. We sucked it up and made the drive. We pulled into the parking lot, and as we got out, we could see Paparazzi camped out across the street, just waiting for her to leave. We walked in, and she was right there, in mid photo shoot, wearing a nice little sun dress and holding her dog. I knew her from Mardi Gras and from seeing her out a couple times, so she waved at me when I walked in.
…We walked in, and she was naked. She was waiting for her next dress or whatever, but had already taken off her old dress. For the record, I’m a big fan of that move. She asked me if it was any trouble getting it, and I told her not really. I took out the Camel box and handed it to her, and she thanked me. We talked for a minute or two about the apparent difficulty of procuring those drugs in Europe. I asked if she was flying private, and she said, “No, commercial.” And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic. (full excerpt at Gawker)
I should be amazed Paris can fit a whole Camel cigarette box into her vagina but I’m not. I sort of expected that. I’m pretty sure there was even enough room leftover in there for an MP3 player and a bong. Paris probably didn’t even need to check any luggage. She just stuffed it all into her vag.
Life & Style reports that the sexy succubus known as Ashley Greene has convinced Joe Jonas to convert his purity ring into a cock ring. Or something like that. The girls at L&S say Joe’s finger no longer sports the silver band that “promises to ourselves and to God that we’ll stay pure till marriage.”
Ashley and Joe have been seen kissing and grabbing coffee together. “When they’re not traveling, they’re basically living together,” said a friend of the couple.
I can’t blame Joe. If Ashley Greene said she wanted to have sex with me, I’d take that ring and throw it into the fiery depths of Mount Doom if that’s what it took. Ugh, she is so unbelievably hot. God could strike me down with lightning while having sex with her and the only thing I’d do is turn on the fan to cool myself down.
I thought there were government sanctions against this guy?
Britney Spears’ former bodyguard, Fernando Flores, filed suit today alleging Britney sexually harassed him in the workplace. Which was her home. Flores claims Britney repeatedly exposed herself to him and abused her children. From TMZ:
Flores alleges, on one occasion — in a scene right out of “Legally Blonde” — “She was wearing a white lace, see-through dress. She walked over close by [Flores], intentionally dropped her cigarette lighter on the floor, bent over to retrieve it and thereby exposed her uncovered genitals to [Flores].” The lawsuit goes on, “The incident caused [Flores] shock and disgust.”
The suit then goes on to describe another alleged instance where Britney summoned Flores to her room, where she was standing naked. The suit claims, “After an awkward silence during which [Britney] just stood naked before [Flores], [Flores] asked Spears if she needed anything. After some hesitation, Spears asked [Flores] to get her two bottles of 7 Up.”
One time after allegedly exposing herself, the suit claims Britney said, “You know you liked it.”
And the suit says, “In addition to exposing herself to [Flores], Spears engaged in numerous sex acts in front of [Flores].”
And there is a more serious allegation — The suit claims on one occasion Britney allegedly demanded Flores’ belt, then walked in the house and allegedly twice “savagely hit the small child [Preston]” with the belt.
And the suit claims on another occasion Britney fed both kids crabmeat even though she knew they had serious fish allergies. The suit claims both kids started vomiting and Spears allegedly prevented anyone from seeking medical help, allegedly telling them, “Mind your own f**king business!”
This sounds a little embellished like that one episode of Simpsons where the babysitter accuses Homer of sexually harassing her and they edit a video of him to make him look like a perv.
One reason you should question the validity of this story is that there are no references to KFC or Frappucinos. In any Britney harassment story there should be at least one incident where Britney tries to hit on someone by pretending a drumstick was a penis and sucking on it.
Although, I can’t wait until that Chinese CGI show gets a hold of this one and turns it into comedic gold like they did with the Wayne Rooney cheating scandal (video below).
Emma Watson backhands ‘Twilight’
Jessica Alba is see-through
Jennifer Aniston is getting Lindsay’s sloppy seconds
Jennifer Lopez on ‘American Idol’ almost a done deal
